Today, I have completed 59 consecutive days of mindfulness meditation sessions. At times, I have done two sessions. At times, I have done sessions with my daughter.  I try to meditate before bed to calm my mind and slow down my brain to sleep. I have also done sessions at times I was aware my mind will run away and induce negative ruminations.

It has been an interesting and pleasurable experience of growth and searches for calm.

At the end of the sessions, the narrator asked me to notice how my body feels. Notice? At first, I did not notice anything different. As the sessions progressed, and with practice, I experienced, my mind was getting calm, and I was able to think clearer afterwards.  I started to notice that these sessions were helping my mind, but not my body.

Each session begins with deep breaths and paying attention to your body. To be aware of sensations or feelings about your body. I move my attention to my breath. In and out.  In and out.

Near the end of the session, the narrator directs you to give your mind permission to you’re your thoughts. Allow my mind to do as it pleases.  Let go of the focus.  Great for ADHD brains!

Then they bring my attention back to my body.  Lately, I began to notice something.  A new awareness. I was noticing my body again.  I was aware of my body again.  An odd sensation.

I realized I no longer pay attention to my body during the sessions.  Or most of them. Even my aches. I forgot about my body. It was only my breathing and noting my thoughts. When I returned my attention to my body, this is the weird part, my body materialized. My body came back to “being.” It returned to “being.”  My body started to get heavy again. It is a weird feeling because it is different, and a new sensation I have not felt before.

Now, it is a welcoming feeling at the end of my sessions. Not only is my mind calmer (Read Searching for the Wrong Thing), my body is not tense, it is loose, unrestrained, tranquil.  My body is not fighting gravity. My body is allowing gravity to cradle keep me grounded, not pulling me down.

I never thought I could achieve this kind of calm, ever. I have accepted it as a part of my life, and my failures cannot allow calm to be achieved. Out of my control.  I never dreamed the tension in my body can be kept at bay.  This helps me prepare myself for sleep.  To prepare my mind to slow down a little to calm down.   

I am unable to achieve zero thoughts with my ADHD brain.  I will fail every time with zero thought meditation.  Guided mindfulness meditation allows thoughts to pop in, I note them, and I dash them away with a feather. I don’t fail when a thought pops in. It’s okay. So, I am not a failure.

Now, 20 minutes sessions feel like seven minutes. I look forward to my next session. My skill is strengthening. I tried it, so I can say to my therapist it doesn’t work because I tried it and not be a hypocrite.  I tried it, and I was wrong. I get and find calm. I believed it was elusive. 

A calm mind, brain and body, who would have thought mindfulness was the key.  Give it a try.  I have great success with the Headspace App.  Try it so you can tell me it is not for you.