Actually, I’m not sorry.  This is a work in progress, I’m a work in progress.  What is wrong with that?  I decided to start my blog site with the basic template and develop the website as I learn and grow.  Why am I developing my own site?  Because I want to.  That’s it.  I need to learn.

 Before you finish your thought about me breaking the ultimate cardinal rule of setting up your blog rule before it is finished and nice – note that I don’t care!  If I didn’t start it this way, it would never launch.  That is my reality and for me to overcome this self-induced “fear” of perfection.  I need to start, and I thrive when things are not properly set up.

 Historically, I fail the quickest when I push myself to follow “societal rules” that make absolutely ZERO sense or logic.  Therefore, I spit on the cardinal rule, pitooey!  It makes sense to me, and it doesn’t affect others – WE GO!  You disagree?  Well, you better have a valid thought with that disagreement.  If not, stuff it!  I need to move forward and start.  I am getting off the pot, I am tired of sitting.

 My audience will understand.  You will understand.  You are a person who will appreciate my content and will look past the look.  If you can’t, then click away to prettier sites.  You!  The one who is still reading, you can see the inherent beauty and can wait.  This is growth.  You understand that something great has to start from the ground and build up.  The website will develop, my writing will develop, we will grow and develop together.

 I don’t care if you agree with me or not.  I really don’t.  What I do care about is that you get something from reading my meanderings.  I care what you think about what is written.  The purpose of my meanderings will be to challenge your current beliefs, thinking, mindset, habits, routines, generalizations, and stories you tell yourself every day.  Even if you decide that has not changed your mind, that is great!  That is the point!  You challenged your thinking; you considered an alternative and made a decision.

 I have always challenged the norm.  I don’t challenge to be a shit or to be difficult.  Well, maybe a little to be difficult.  OK frequently.  I challenge to get a better understanding of me, others and my world.

 I need to make sense of my world because clarity is essential to me.  The clarity I search for scares most people.  Maybe because of the depth. Perhaps because the potential of the clarity may bring skeletons long-buried, or believe buried, out from the ground.  Lack of clarity fogs my thinking, sight, emotions which affects my behaviours and those around me.

 I have to live in my world – you don’t, and you can’t.  All you can do is read to understand my world and think about how you live in yours.  This is a fascinating thought!  I will have to think and expand on that thought in another post.

 I am 44 with two kids, a wonderful wife and two annoying cats.  I have gone through entrepreneurial hell for the last couple of years.  This year I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, and my lifelong search of understanding why I am not “normal” is completed with my diagnosis of ADHD.

 All of these “negatives” have been positive influences on my growth to develop new beginnings.  I learned a great deal from my entrepreneurial flounder.  I had to start over.  That experience has made it easier to achieve my new success quicker.  Diabetes was my body, giving me a final warning – time to take care of yourself – mind and body, or else.  ADHD was the missing puzzle piece for a full understanding of me and the start of a new journey to take care of my family and me.  These experiences have provided me with clarity.  Clarity.  It is never too late to find clarity.

 So, I am not sorry for the look of my website.  Why?  My new journey is starting, just like the website.  Join me and take a seat.  It is always an interesting and unpredictable ride with me.